The Yoga of Relationship

This is it, folks, as far as I'm concerned -- the burning ground for growth and awareness in our lives (and NOT mentioned in the ubiquitously quoted Yoga Sutras). Coming just off the rails of yet another broken relationship, I am forced to look deeply, once again, at the aspects of relationship that work, those that don't work, those that hook us and those that throw us so far off course. Nowhere is the notion of samskara -- conditioning -- more relevant than here, as we see again and again our patterns of communication, emotional response and our ability (or lack thereof) to reprogram ourselves so that we can have fuller, richer, deeper, more satisfying connections. For years I have been trying to find a way to reconcile the parts of myself that I split off at a very early age as a sort of survival mechanism -- in fact, the name OneSelf Yoga is born of that very quest. Years of self-study (svadhiyaya to those interested in the classical connections) and practice and I seem to inch closer and closer and yet still I find myself ultimately doing the same things and getting the same result. This time I even saw it happening, but felt unable to stop it! And so I am left with the usual tumult of anger, hurt, shame and sadness that accompany each "failed" attempt. There is no easy answer to this one, I'm afraid, and the wisdom of Yoga is to simply keep studying, keep practicing and to have faith -- to find the place inside where you can go in order to feel that it will get better. Yoga and meditation are not about getting it "right," or "perfect" or getting to any place in particular -- but they are about learning to ride the waves with greater skills so you can stay on top longer, enjoy it more, and realize that both the good and the bad feelings all come from the same place, so all have their place. Not easy, I repeat! But I'm doing my best. The good news is that I am more than ready for the next one. Let's see where it leads me.