The Perils of Positive Thinking

Yeah, I know. The perils of positive thinking? On a Yoga blog?? Isn’t Yoga about finding inner peace, harmony, tranquility, and all that…well, positive stuff?

Yes, it is. Definitely, yes. Except that sometimes, it isn't.

Once you develop anything more than a superficial understanding of Yoga, you begin to understand that it deals with the varying states of mind and thought that keep us in isolation, turmoil, and varying degrees of suffering. As we become aware of our thought patterns, unravel their depths and work to develop new patterns, we can change our experience of ourselves and our lives so that we feel more connected to others, the world around us and our own spiritual center.

The thing is, this takes work. Usually a lot of hard work, and the real essence of it comes when things are at their most challenging. Recently I entered the most challenging period of my life thus far, in which I find myself constantly plagued by fear, doubt, unrealistic expectations, conclusions and a whole lot of uncertainty. There are challenges with work, with finances and with relationships. To cope, I've been telling myself to think positively, have faith and keep myself feeling good and it will all work out. You know about “The Secret?” (otherwise known as the “law of attraction”)and similar metaphysical concepts to which Yoga is often linked? They say that you can control your reality, even manifest anything you desire simply by focusing on your goals, thinking positive thoughts and feeling good, virtually all the time. Sounds good, right? And it works…except that sometimes, it doesn't.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not denying the power of goal-setting, positive thinking and the need to do whatever you can to make your situation better. What I am I am saying is that there are times when, even as you work on your thought patterns -- and perhaps particularly as you do so -- you’re going to feel like crap. You may do everything you can to help a situation and it doesn’t change. You may have a moment where you change a typical thought pattern and start feeling better only to have the pattern rear its head in revolt like an angry lion and take over. Things may get worse before they get better, and some things may not get better at all.

What is crucial to realize here is that this is all part of the process, and that there can even be great value in these so-called negative thoughts and feelings.

1. They can be a gauge. Imagine someone keeps slapping you in the face and you just keep telling yourself you can think your way to making that feel better – no. Your pain can tell you when you’re not in a good situation and you need to get out of it.
2. They can give you great empathy and compassion. We all do suffer, and usually we feel better getting support from someone whom we know has lived through something. If you suffer and use the principles of working with your mind to cope, you can support someone with real wisdom and authority.
3. They can help you get support. I hate to “dump” on my friends and to think I’m being seen as less than positive but when the pain’s gotten too great I’ve shared some of my struggles with close friends, and even posted some status updates on Facebook – and received an outpouring of support, some of it unexpected, that has been absolutely uplifting. I don’t think I could get through this time without it.
4. They allow you to be human. When things aren’t going well, many of us blame ourselves and it affects our self-esteem. If we tell ourselves that if we could only think positively, we wouldn’t feel so bad, we take on the burden of a harsh, unnecessary layer of judgment that often feels worse.

Yoga is very much about balance, and while we may always be striving for self-improvement, part of life and of practice is to feel, and part of feeling is to feel it all, the good and the bad. What is most important is whether we can mobilize our energies to get support, and navigate through tough situations and learn from them, resulting in a life that is psychologically and emotionally rich, and informed by the wisdom of deep experience. Of this, I feel positive. Om shanti.