No Guru, No Method, No Teacher

I've had a love-hate relationship with Yoga since I first began it, and lately it's been more -- well, to be frank, hate. I came into it with no undertanding of it as anything but a physical practice and the intention to eventually teach it, as it seemed a natural extension of my fitness and movement experience. Once I started to learn, I thought, "Hmmm, this isn't exactly what I had in mind." I persisted, however, and along the way I've learned that there are as many views on what Yoga is as what it isn't, and so many different approaches to practice it can make your down dog dizzy. There's constant talk of developing your own "authentic" practice, but so often we find ourselves slyly looking to the side to see what the person next to us is doing, eating, wearing, thinking, chanting -- and comparing, especially if you're a teacher. Never mind that you might be a successful teacher who teaches well-attended classes, helps people tremendously and can actually make a living doing this thing called Yoga. You have your own issues that follow you along and you think, this just isn't me.

I almost gave up on Yoga recently -- I got tired of the pressure (albeit self-imposed) of thinking I just wasn't authentic enough and that I was sick of watching my every move and thinking this is or isn't Yoga. I didn't give up teaching, but I did give up on trying to define myself in any way, and just allowed myself to take life as it came, using the skills and tools I've learned the best way that I can. And it turns out, ironically, that this is becoming Yoga, or at least my Yoga. I've stopped thinking about what is the "right" way to teach my various classes and clients, and trusted the inner guidance and awareness in the moment. I reflect on what I do and think about whether I could have done more or differently, but without the judgment. The practice is coming back to life and the creativity and relevance is coming back to the teaching. So maybe, like all learning, you take as much time as it takes to study and try on and experience different attitudes, mindsets, methodologies -- them you throw it all away and see what happens. As suggested by the title of one of Van Morrison's albums, with "no guru, no method, no teacher," you find your own Way. That seems to be what it was really all about from the start.

Om shanti.