OneSelf-Disclosure

The Perils of Positive Thinking

2009-11-05T09:02:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I know. The perils of positive thinking? On a Yoga blog?? Isn’t Yoga about finding inner peace, harmony, tranquility, and all that…well, positive stuff?

Yes, it is. Definitely, yes. Except that sometimes, it isn't.

Once you develop anything more than a superficial understanding of Yoga, you begin to understand that it deals with the varying states of mind and thought that keep us in isolation, turmoil, and varying degrees of suffering. As we become aware of our thought patterns, unravel their depths and work to develop new patterns, we can change our experience of ourselves and our lives so that we feel more connected to others, the world around us and our own spiritual center.

The thing is, this takes work. Usually a lot of hard work, and the real essence of it comes when things are at their most challenging. Recently I entered the most challenging period of my life thus far, in which I find myself constantly plagued by fear, doubt, unrealistic expectations, conclusions and a whole lot of uncertainty. There are challenges with work, with finances and with relationships. To cope, I've been telling myself to think positively, have faith and keep myself feeling good and it will all work out. You know about “The Secret?” (otherwise known as the “law of attraction”)and similar metaphysical concepts to which Yoga is often linked? They say that you can control your reality, even manifest anything you desire simply by focusing on your goals, thinking positive thoughts and feeling good, virtually all the time. Sounds good, right? And it works…except that sometimes, it doesn't.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not denying the power of goal-setting, positive thinking and the need to do whatever you can to make your situation better. What I am I am saying is that there are times when, even as you work on your thought patterns -- and perhaps particularly as you do so -- you’re going to feel like crap. You may do everything you can to help a situation and it doesn’t change. You may have a moment where you change a typical thought pattern and start feeling better only to have the pattern rear its head in revolt like an angry lion and take over. Things may get worse before they get better, and some things may not get better at all.

What is crucial to realize here is that this is all part of the process, and that there can even be great value in these so-called negative thoughts and feelings.

1. They can be a gauge. Imagine someone keeps slapping you in the face and you just keep telling yourself you can think your way to making that feel better – no. Your pain can tell you when you’re not in a good situation and you need to get out of it.
2. They can give you great empathy and compassion. We all do suffer, and usually we feel better getting support from someone whom we know has lived through something. If you suffer and use the principles of working with your mind to cope, you can support someone with real wisdom and authority.
3. They can help you get support. I hate to “dump” on my friends and to think I’m being seen as less than positive but when the pain’s gotten too great I’ve shared some of my struggles with close friends, and even posted some status updates on Facebook – and received an outpouring of support, some of it unexpected, that has been absolutely uplifting. I don’t think I could get through this time without it.
4. They allow you to be human. When things aren’t going well, many of us blame ourselves and it affects our self-esteem. If we tell ourselves that if we could only think positively, we wouldn’t feel so bad, we take on the burden of a harsh, unnecessary layer of judgment that often feels worse.

Yoga is very much about balance, and while we may always be striving for self-improvement, part of life and of practice is to feel, and part of feeling is to feel it all, the good and the bad. What is most important is whether we can mobilize our energies to get support, and navigate through tough situations and learn from them, resulting in a life that is psychologically and emotionally rich, and informed by the wisdom of deep experience. Of this, I feel positive. Om shanti.

The Guest House

2009-10-04T12:59:00.002-04:00

The following poem by Jalal al-Din Rumi, 13th century Persian poet and mystic, offers hope for the times when our human experience clouds the clarity of our bigger vision. Namaste.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

The Wisdom of Uncertainty

2009-09-18T07:25:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about "knowing." My favored approach to Yoga and meditation teaches that through these practices we become a clear channel for the universal energy and develop the courage to be guided to act through intuitive prompting, even when our conscious mind is uncertain about the path. I still believe this -- but it is curious to me when the "knowing" extends to feeling that you understand the meaning of a particular experience and it turns out very differently. This came up in a recent experience where I met someone with whom I felt a mutual connection that I thought would continue. After we met, I "knew" we would meet again, it felt very clear and certain; however, it quickly became clear that we would not. This led me to question what I actually felt certain about -- I was certain about my own experience, that was easy. But I also felt certain of the other person's experience, based on words, action and...well, you know, the vibe. Isn't that what we're talking about, the vibe? And yet, I was wrong.

It seems to me that "knowing" and trusting the energy in a particular moment is very often attached to the idea of a particular outcome, and this subtle distinction is key. When we practice, we learn to sense what to do moment to moment and follow the energy and be willing to see what happens, and to give up our expectations. It means that despite our absolute best efforts, we still can't know another person's experience and we can't know for sure what is going to happen. It becomes clear that we are all swimming in a vast ocean of uncertainty, the realization of which I think is too much for most of us to tolerate. And yet, if we are to really try to understand our lives in the context of the greater energy, we must be willing to admit how little we actually know, shift our perspective to our present experience and become fully awake and aware to the mystery of the moment. At least, I think so.

What Spiritual Practice Is For

2009-08-30T20:03:00.003-04:00

Spiritual practice may take on its greatest meaning not when things are going well in your life but when you feel like you just can't go on. Yoga and meditation feel great when you're "up" and "in the flow," and can easily point to the ways they are making your life better. This is often especially true in the early stages of practice, when energy starts flowing and you feel revitalized.

Eventually, however, you're going to hit those limits -- whether it's tightness in a muscle, a habitual behavior or stubborn, deeply rooted emotion. It's going to feel uncomfortable, it's going to hurt, and chances are you're going to want to run. Sometimes we back away from the edge like it's a frightening cliffhang; sometimes we run completely back to the safety and comfort of where we started, trying to forget we've seen the precipice; sometimes we retreat all the way into mental and emotional numbness.

If you're committed to the path of spiritual growth and find yourself at the edge -- of discomfort, pain, even your sanity -- then remember this is exactly the point to which your practice needed to take you. This doesn't mean the practice isn't working -- quite the opposite. It's wringing you out, clearing you, cleansing you, on every level. Feeling sadness? Grief? Anger? Breathe it, let it move through you, and take care of yourself, knowing that this too shall pass. And when it does, you will have reached a new place that you have not yet truly known, but where you are certainly meant to be. This is what spiritual practice is for. [With gratitude to Sri Sally Kempton.]

Creak...creak...

2009-08-11T10:13:00.003-04:00

No, it's not the arthritic squeak of stiffened joints and underused limbs, it's the oiling up of writing chops that haven't been exercised in a while...time to summon up that 5th chakra energy (vissudha) and see what flows...stay tuned...

No Guru, No Method, No Teacher

2009-01-21T10:58:00.003-05:00

I've had a love-hate relationship with Yoga since I first began it, and lately it's been more -- well, to be frank, hate. I came into it with no undertanding of it as anything but a physical practice and the intention to eventually teach it, as it seemed a natural extension of my fitness and movement experience. Once I started to learn, I thought, "Hmmm, this isn't exactly what I had in mind." I persisted, however, and along the way I've learned that there are as many views on what Yoga is as what it isn't, and so many different approaches to practice it can make your down dog dizzy. There's constant talk of developing your own "authentic" practice, but so often we find ourselves slyly looking to the side to see what the person next to us is doing, eating, wearing, thinking, chanting -- and comparing, especially if you're a teacher. Never mind that you might be a successful teacher who teaches well-attended classes, helps people tremendously and can actually make a living doing this thing called Yoga. You have your own issues that follow you along and you think, this just isn't me.

I almost gave up on Yoga recently -- I got tired of the pressure (albeit self-imposed) of thinking I just wasn't authentic enough and that I was sick of watching my every move and thinking this is or isn't Yoga. I didn't give up teaching, but I did give up on trying to define myself in any way, and just allowed myself to take life as it came, using the skills and tools I've learned the best way that I can. And it turns out, ironically, that this is becoming Yoga, or at least my Yoga. I've stopped thinking about what is the "right" way to teach my various classes and clients, and trusted the inner guidance and awareness in the moment. I reflect on what I do and think about whether I could have done more or differently, but without the judgment. The practice is coming back to life and the creativity and relevance is coming back to the teaching. So maybe, like all learning, you take as much time as it takes to study and try on and experience different attitudes, mindsets, methodologies -- them you throw it all away and see what happens. As suggested by the title of one of Van Morrison's albums, with "no guru, no method, no teacher," you find your own Way. That seems to be what it was really all about from the start.

Om shanti.

Economic Realities

2008-11-22T12:33:00.003-05:00

The age of email has changed communication in many ways, some for better and some for worse. One of these changes is that it can be much easier to deal with uncomfortable issues because of the impersonality of the technological medium. However this impersonality often influences decisionmaking in ways that may shortchange you. Here's an example: naturally, I get email requests for information about services, including rates. While I prefer to speak with people directly (and I mean by phone, in which we have a live conversation), I respond to these requests honestly, and of course there are many times when I never hear from the person again. There could be any number of reasons for this, but for those who are interested in contracting for any kind of one-on-one service during the economic downturn -- be it Yoga instruction, therapy, web site design, or anything else -- there are some things to keep in mind.

It is always best to discuss rates personally, since there may be occasions when fees can be negotiable. Often there is a connection between a practitioner and a potential client that can be felt even in a phone conversation. I've negotiated with people when I thought there was an especially good fit, with seniors on fixed, incomes, etc. I've also had people at first uncertain about this kind of expense later decide it was well worth it, as the benefits far outweighed the cost.

Hourly service rates are not just profit. My fees have to cover taxes, Social Security payments, and travel time -- an hour-long in-home session could actually end up being three hours of time for me. I'm not complaining -- this is my professional choice. But you're also paying for my experience, talent, and for that sense of connection that you can't find with just anyone.

If you're searching for a teacher, therapist or counselor, don't shortchange yourself by cutting off the investigation process too quickly. You're making an investment in your health, well-being and the quality of your life that could have huge payoffs later in saved medical expenses, higher productivity and greater peace of mind. Give yourself every chance to explore the best place to make that investment. If we find ourselves working together, we'll both be the better for it. If you find yourself better off with another teacher, we all still benefit. Now is the time to spend your money wisely, not by making no investments, but by making the best ones you can find.

Wishing you peace and prosperity -- om shanti.

Getting Back in Gear

2008-11-02T20:35:00.002-05:00

Wow, it's been about 6 months since my last post. What's been going on since that time? Seemingly, not a whole lot. I'd say it's been a transitional time but when the transitional period seems more like an epoch unto itself, it's a little embarassing! Then again, I've always been one to take a long time to make changes. I use things up till they're absolutely gone -- soap, toothpaste, etc. -- before I buy a replacement; I hold onto relationships till it's beyond clear that they've outlived their shelf life.

My first epiphany about this came back in about 1990, on an Outward Bound course. There was a lot of profound experiential learning for me on that trip but the greatest came at the very end, during the ropes course. I sat perched on the edge of a very high platform willing myself to jump off and be carried across the zip cord, but I was paralyzed by fear. I was perfectly safe -- harnessed in securely, attached to strong ropes and solid equipment -- but none of this registered right then. For a while, the rest of the group was supportive, shouting encouragment and urging me on. Eventually, though, they lost interest and wanted to move on to lunch.

I knew I could give up but I also knew I'd never forgive myself if I did. I kept thinking that if I could just hold on tightly enough, I could let go! Paradoxical, yes, but this is the battleground of the rational mind. Eventually, something in my brain just switched over -- I loosened my grip on the rope and thought, "whatever happens, happens." As I slid off the edge of the platform I thought about death, that ultimate fear that keeps us bound. I dropped, I screamed, and, of course, I was supported. It was even -- fun!

The experience taught me much about holding back versus letting go and trusting - like Yoga, which teaches that ultimately we are not in control and to live in accordance with guidance we've got to learn to listen and trust that it's taking us where we need to go. This is a lesson I've had to experience over and over, and this period in my life is no exception. Soon, I hope, that switch in my brain will flip and I'll finally be free to move forward. I just hope lunch isn't over with.

Body Language

2008-05-30T10:51:00.004-04:00

Whoever came up with the notion that the mind and the body could be separate? The very notion is absurd -- even if you define "mind" as "brain function," the brain is in fact an organ of the body. And even if you define "emotions" as something a little less tangible, we experience them with our minds and our bodies. The body is the vehicle that we have come here with to experience this life, so we should be very interested in understanding its language.

Certainly this is not so easy. We say "listen to your body" in terms of knowing if we're hungry or tired, or if we get a "gut" feeling to do or not do something. But understanding how conditioned thought patterns and emotional patterns manifest somatically is another matter. I was convinced that the back pain I've been experiencing for more than a year now has psychological roots. I had some ideas of what it was about but nothing I did or thought seemed to affect it. A year is a long time to go with pain, but then again, remember me and the heat! Recently, as I've been working on moving forward in my life, I've realized there are some deeply emotional issues I haven't dealt with as explicitly and I need to. The other night I was thinking about them and feeling the emotions and at the same time moving around trying to do something about this back pain when -- crack! I felt a big adjustment (somewhere in the upper spine) and I just knew that I'd affected my back. Sure enough, by the next morning, the pain was significantly different, maybe 75 percent gone! It's still there, reminding me that I need to keep listening but the relief is profound. Once again I find myself in awe of the way the mindbody continuum expresses itself. Keep listening!

Everything is Everything

2008-05-12T11:40:00.003-04:00

In some ways, I think I have always been a Yogi. Ever since I was young, I always noticed how people and concepts were the same, rather than how they were different. This fundamental perspective led me into social issues-based college journalism, later into social work and education, and, over the past decade or so, into Yoga. Now, finding myself at one of those junctures in life where you examine the past and meditate on the future, I realize that Yoga is indeed a way of thinking, seeing, being and feeling in the world, rather than any set of practices or techniques (like meditation). In questioning what your purpose is, you discover that you bring your fundmental truth to everything that you do, and the approach defines the quality and result of your efforts much more than the activity itself. This is enormously liberating, especially if you tend to judge yourself critically for not doing something "enough" -- e.g., you don't do enough asana practice or you don't eat enough vegetables. Through Yoga you reside and abide in your fundamental truth, a unified, holistic state of being that is evident in your work, relationships and pasttimes. In this way you realize that everything is everything -- or, Yoga. Om shanti.

If You Think Something, Say Something!

2008-04-08T23:03:00.002-04:00

The OneSelf Yoga web site has been up for nearly a year now (hard to believe) and I can see from my tracking system that there are indeed folks out there who are checking it out. I don't know who most of you are, where you are or what parts of the site you are looking at, but if you happen to check out this blog, I hope you'll consider adding your two cents. I'd love to hear what you think of some of my posts, what your current interests in Yoga are, what you're wanting to know more about, etc. I believe you have to set up a Google account to participate but that is free and easy enough to do. I hope to connect more directly with you in cyberspace!

Peace, Karen

Turning Down the Heat

2008-03-31T20:06:00.002-04:00

My friend Claudia wanted me to write a post about this recent experience I had. Being lucky enough to live in a well-maintained New York City apartment building, my apartment gets a lot of heat in the winter. In particular, my bedroom gets very hot. I try to sleep with the window partially open, but because the winds can be very high and noisy (or because sometimes they cause the door to bump around in its frame, also noisy), I often have to sleep with the window closed, making it even hotter. Ever since I moved here, I've had a small fan attached to my mirror, pointed at the bed,to offset the heat, and I use it every night, even in winter. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it's still too damn hot.

The other night, as the temperature rose outside, it was SO hot I couldn't stand it anymore and I did something I never did before.

I TURNED OFF THE HEAT.

Did I mention I have lived here for FIVE years?

I am indeed the kind of person who can tolerate a lot of things for a very long time without change -- but why the unwillingness to make a simple shift that ultimately makes life a lot more pleasant and bearable?

I wish I could find a great spiritual lesson in this one, but I'm afraid it might just be an example of one of my less attractive eccentricities.

If you do want to take any lesson from what I've said here then I would urge you...if you get too hot...turn off the heat.

Enough said.

A Note on Guidance and Faith

2008-03-25T22:25:00.002-04:00

Today I saw a blind woman carrying a newborn baby navigating her way around the chaos of the Times Square subway station with the help of her seeing eye dog. If that's not an exercise in listening for guidance and having the faith to follow it, nothing is.

I watched them briefly (she moved fairly swiftly and for me to stand around would have found me swept up in the chaos myself) as the dog narrowly missed the crowds and the columns and she simply held the leash and the sleeping baby in her shoulder pouch and followed. I realized she must have had to practice a lot with that guide, and it was a process of communication -- she had to learn her guide's cues and vice versa and they probably had to do a lot of conscious traveling together in order for her to feel confident enough to trust him with not just her safety but that of her newborn. I love a good metaphor, but really, we're doing the same with Yoga, aren't we? Learning to listen, testing it out in small ways and developing the faith to really let the guidance take us? That's my interpretation anyway, and if I can borrow from her courage (or any of the brave folks I've met lately) then I'll be lucky. Om shanti.

Blessings in Disguise

2008-03-21T08:13:00.002-04:00

If you were diagnosed with a brain tumor, do you think you would say it was the best thing that ever happened to you?

Billy did. Billy took my class at Hope Lodge yesterday, a class I volunteer for cancer patients and caregivers. Afterwards, we spent some time talking and he told me about all the amazing things that have happened in his life since his diagnosis. Meaningful people have come back into his life, including one of his children, who had not been speaking to him for some time. Events have lined up and doors have been opening, and his perspective on what is important now and what he wants in his life once he finishes his treatment (which, thankfully, is going well) has understandably changed. His sense of appreciation is humbling and his attitude is nothing short of remarkable.

We didn't talk about what is enabling this attitude or this course of events. It could be, at least in part, a true sense of surrender to the flow of the universe, combined with a willingness to see the best of everything. Oh yeah, wait a minute -- that's YOGA, right? Hmm. Let me wake up a for a minute and once again acknowledge that teachers and the teachings are everywhere if you just open your eyes, ears and heart. Blessings in disguise. Om shanti.

When You Give, You Get

2008-03-14T08:12:00.004-04:00

I think my favorite thing about teaching Yoga is the amazing people I've gotten to mee, and yesterday is the best example of all. I was teaching my volunteer class at Hope Lodge, a residence for people from out of state who need a place to stay during cancer treatment. Few people come to this class but yesterday I had the privilege of meeting Barbara, a 72-year-old immigrant from Poland who has been battling cancer for 19 years, through five different places in her body -- colon, uterine, both breasts and now lung -- and who is a Holocaust survivor. Since she had surgery a few days ago on both lungs and can't move or breath very well, our Yoga was extremely gentle and she spent most of the time sharing her incredible experiences with me. How a person has the strength to withstand a lifetime of such intense challenge must truly be from a deep, hard-wired instinct. Later on in the session we were joined by her husband of 54 years, Abe, also a Holocaust survivor, who had survival stories of his own to share. Barbara and Abe live in Florida and they go around to high schools there talking about their experiences. They were gentle, sweet and humorous, and it was deeply moving and humbling to have them share themselves with me. It reminded me once again that so often when I give through teaching, I receive so much more. Om shanti.

Listening for Guidance

2008-03-09T11:39:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite teachers, Erich Schiffman, describes Yoga as being about listening for guidance from the universe, and daring to do what you are prompted to do. I agree completely with this, and it corresponds to the thread about "allowing." The difficulty I always have is with understanding what the guidance is and following it -- in as much as I am a body person, I am also very much a head person; that head will take over so quickly it will...well, make your head spin! The thing is, intuition is often subtle and I'll start to analyze it and doubt it and efectively kill it pretty quickly. However, I think the antidote to this is to simply stay clear -- i.e., keep practicing and keep asking and, as Erich says, really WANT to know -- and the guidance will keep coming. And then following becomes a matter of courage and faith. So, meditation -- getting still and quiet and going within -- is indispensable. I've got some big questions out there, and I'm trying to be patient as I wait for the response.

2008-02-25T16:23:00.003-05:00

Wow, it's been three months since my last post...and I guess that long since I've felt really inspired. Periods of dormant creativity can be difficult, and those are good times to take a vacation! I'm just back from a week in the Bahamas and it was a great week, but it's showing me just how difficult transitions can be. As happy as I was to be on a beautiful, sunny beach in the middle of winter, I had a hard time getting into the flow. I was by myself and two days after I got there I even thought that I wanted to leave! I didn't see how I was going to start meeting people and having a good time, even though I was trying. But as I taught a Yoga class one afternoon, I heard myself telling the group that Yoga is less about effort and doing and more about allowing -- it's very much about getting out of the way and letting the flow happen. Maybe I was telling myself as well because the next day I managed to let go of all ideas of what I thought should be happening and just "was" -- and it all started to happen. I began to have a great time and even though there were some valleys, even they seemed like a natural part of the process. Now I'm having an equally hard time transitioning back into "reality," and I need to remind myself that it's all part of the process. I think that's an important and perhaps often overlooked understanding of what Yoga is really all about -- tuning into the flow of the universe that is always there and not resisting it. Challenges are inevitable -- just like tight spots in the body or seemingly impossible poses -- but the key is to keep relaxing and allowing whatever is ready to come through to actually come through.

Now, to maintain this mindset outside of the vacation! :-)

That's Why it's Called Practice

2007-11-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

If you're newer to Yoga, you might notice that sessions or classes are often referred to as "practice" -- we speak of "practicing Yoga,' "doing my practice," "I practiced with so-and-so," etc. There's a good reason for this. Yoga works with our bodies, minds and souls to restore our sense of unity, both within and without ourselves. One of the primary obstacles to this sense of unity are the "samskaras" under which we each operate. Samskaras are habitual patterns of thinking, relating and behaving -- traditional Yoga says we even bring our samskaras in from past lives. Whether or not you're a believer in the residue of past lives, if you've had any life experience at all, you probably know that certain samskaras run deep. Have you ever had trouble with dieting, quitting smoking, changing your mental attitude, relating differently with family members? That's right -- it takes practice.

Not only does it take practice, but once you've "got it," you can lose it! In other words, for most of us, our struggles continue to be our struggles. We keep working on ourselves and must remain diligent in our self-awareness. Recently it's been tough for me -- I've been watching my attitude slip, my weight rise, my old habits gaining some new momentum. The samskaras (in this case, family stuff) have been reasserting themselves. Sometimes it's like an archaeological dig -- you dig for a while, clear some layers of rock and sediment, take a rest, breathe freely, marvel at some of your findings -- and then there's the next layer. And so, my challenge is to return to the practice, realizing once again that while I may never be completely free of some of this residue (though always hoping that someday I might be), I have the tools with which to keep digging until the diamond underneath can again shine through.

True Karma Can't be Taught

2007-11-25T13:34:00.001-05:00

While there are many meanings assigned to the word "Karma," one of them is selfless service, which is recognized as one of the four main paths of Yoga. When we study classical Yoga, we are taught that service to others leads us closer to realization of the Truth via transcendence of the individual ego. There are myriad opportunities for selflessness, whether it is through formal volunteerism, donations to charity, or just helping a woman take her baby stroller up the subway steps. While I have practiced all of these approaches, none of them has taken me to a state of mind equal to that of Jorge Munoz.

Mr. Munoz, "The Chicken and Rice Man," was profiled in this weekend's NY Times. He is a Colombian immigrant who lives with his mother and sister in Queens, driving a bus during the day and spending each night, as he has for the past three years, feeding dozens of homeless and/or unemployed immigrant workers in Jackson Heights with food he and his family prepare. EVERY NIGHT. He also provides Saturday breakfasts for 200 at seven locations, and 40 ham-and-cheese sandwich dinners on Sunday, his "day off." He does little else -- few friends, no hobbies. This kind of devotion to service can't be taught. I don't know what the majority of his life has been like, or what his relationship to his friends and family has been over the years, but somehow, Mr. Munoz came into this life with an intrinsic need to serve. Is he closer to the Truth? That I can't say. But as far as karma is concerned, I think I'd call him a Yogi.

Lying (around) in Wait

2007-11-13T10:22:00.000-05:00

So I've had back pain for about 8 months now -- I am reasonably sure it's the result of a jammed or torqued sacroiliac joint and some exceptionally tight muscles around it but I'm about at the point where I want to get it looked at because it's annoying the hell out of me, and it's unmotivating and debilitating. There are days and times when it feels worse than others but overall it's always there. It makes me not want to practice Yoga because it hurts! It makes me not want to exercise, dance or otherwise move because it hurts! And it sucks! True, I have empathy for those with chronic pain and physical limitations but frankly, I thought I had a good enough amount of empathy before. I don't really believe it's not going to resolve itself, but it's a curiosity to me. My personal orientation is that physical problems have psychological roots so I'm wondering what might lie beneath. Stay tuned.

Not Just "The Way Things Are"

2007-10-10T11:01:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I had one of the most wonderful gifts a teacher can get from a student. Jerry, who appears to be in his mid-50s, began taking a corporate class with me several weeks ago. Despite having no Yoga experience, not being naturally flexible and finding the practice quite challenging, Jerry puts himself completely into the class, asks a lot of questions and, as I found out yesterday, has been doing some Yoga every day at home. He doesn't remember everything or find it any easier on his own, but he says his knees feel better than they have in years and that things "aren't hurting. I got used to things always hurting and now they're not." It is an amazing gift when a student really takes in what you are offering and begins to receive the benefits, and I'm grateful to him for sharing it.

What is most striking to me, however, is his reference to getting used to the way things were -- in this case, physical aches and pains -- and how that has changed. How many of us get used to things just being a particular way? We age, so we hurt, or gain weight, or slow down. We have difficulty with conflict, or with intimacy, or with reaching out, and we say that is just "how we are." But is it? Does it have to be? Psychology assumes that we can work with our challenges and learn new behaviors, resposnes and coping skills. Yoga assumes that with practice and persistence, we can change and surpass our limitations. No one says this is easy; ironically, it's a lot easier to acquiesce and accept a relationship, a job, even a life that is less fulfilling than you want it to be. But when you get a taste of how it could be different, well... Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes said "a mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." Try a little practice and begin to feel differently, feel what is possible. Then remember that feeling! It will help you keep going when you feel like giving up and giving in because, after all, that's just "the way you are."

Letting Go

2007-09-24T22:06:00.000-04:00

This weekend I was putting together a big pile of clothing to sell at a flea market -- you know, those clothes that haven't been worn in years but somehow you keep thinking that you will. As I took them out of the closet and later watched them hanging up at the market, I realized some of those clothes were 10, 15, even 20 years old! The psychic significance of letting go of these concrete connections to different phases of my past was undeniable. I've been struggling for a while now to move forward in my life in a variety of ways. As I looked at this big pile of clothing, I suddenly felt ready to take my past and put it behind me, having worn it well but needing now to don an updated persona, one with past memories intact but reflecting evolution and growth. Hanging onto physical items for sentimental reasons, or with the idea that perhaps one day they will be useful again, very often represents an unconscious unwillingness to let go of the past. We feel that when we find the new thing we seek, we'll be ready to let go of the old but it works in just the opposite way -- we must have the courage to let go of what is old and allow ourselves to be suspended in that in-between space, with faith that the new will indeed appear. That in-between space can feel scary, but also light, exciting and energizing. If you are thinking about new things that you want in your life and perhaps feel frustrated that they have not yet manifest, try going through your closets and drawers and finding any and all items you can part with. Think of the times you bought or used them, acknowledging that those times will always be a part of your history and remember what you've learned and how you've grown since then. Be thankful -- then sell them or donate them to charity. Notice what kinds of physical and mental changes begin to take shape, and how soon new things begin to happen in your life!

What is Yoga Therapy?

2007-08-23T15:44:00.000-04:00

In brainstorming recently with a social worker colleague on how to develop our private therapy practices, we were both charged with the question of how to explain what we do in the course of lan elevator ride -- in other words, short, sweet and to the point! In reviewing my web site, I realize that the answer is right there, though it may not stand out right now. Yoga therapy seeks to find the places where energy is either trapped or depleted and uses breath, movement, sound, visualization, meditation and thought power to restore balance.

That's it! What makes it so interesting, in my opinion, is that each of us is such a complex web of mind, body and spirit that starting in one area often leads to another. Working to free up some energy in chronically tight muscles may eventually result in the release of stored-up emotions and thoughts that keep us psychologically bound. I will offer a personal example: for months I was suffering from lower back pain and restriction on the ride side (which I have been told relates to moving forward with our life). I've kept at it with Yoga, breath, awareness, everything I could think of, as well as staying on top of my own psychological process. It was getting worse and worse -- which made it really hard to be a good Yoga teacher! Finally, a the breakup of a recent relationship, including the recognition of my own patterns that helped to ruin things, simply flattened me. I spent plenty of time crying over the loss. One day the crying got out of control and suddenly it felt like deep grief related to something else -- I had enough self-awareness to realize it was grief long held but never expressed over the death of my mother, which was 20 years ago last month. After the crying that day ran its course, I suddenly experienced a freedom in my back that I had not felt in a very long time. Now the challenge is to integrate this awareness and use it to truly move forward.

Thus is the power and beauty of Yoga therapy -- a process that works holistically, honoring the unique entity that is each one of us, and which can have profound, lasting results.

"Law" of Attraction?

2007-08-18T08:24:00.001-04:00

Years before I was introduced to Yoga, I was introduced to the "new age" movement and the principles of metaphysics. These include the concept that your thoughts and vibrations create the realities of your life and that, by controlling them, you have the power to manifest the reality that you want. Norman Vincent Peale in "The Power of Positive Thinking" was one of the early pioneers of this movement. It's a vastly appealing concept and one that, once you start practicing with it, can have exciting and inspiring results. Like any other "law," however, once you start probing a little more deeply, you start to encounter some very tricky edges. For instance, any doubt or any "negative" thought or vibration can be seen as the obstacle towards achieving what you want. This puts a tremendous amount of pressure on us to maintain a "perfect" energy field, as well as putting the blame squarely on our own shoulders when things don't go as we wish. It can be empowering to realize that positive thinking tends to create positive outcomes, especially if you are someone who has never really been conscious of your thought patterns and how they affect you. But positive thinking does not control everything that happens to you and around you -- rather, it helps you maintain a positive attitude that changes your experience of what happens to you. The clearer you are on what you want, and the more focused and persistent, the more likely you are to get it. But other people have their own agendas and their own processes and we're all working together wihtin the same web -- so do your best, but don't blame yourself if it doesn't all go according to your plan. If you see where you can do something differently, then adjust -- but realize also that a huge part of learning to live with the flow of energy in this world is to let go. Practice having faith that you can get through it; cultivate a mindset that "this or something better" is manifesting for you. This way, you will truly feel that you are attracting the best things for your life, while knowing that part of the swimming is always going to be upstream. On shanti.

The Yoga of Relationship

2007-08-11T16:30:00.000-04:00

This is it, folks, as far as I'm concerned -- the burning ground for growth and awareness in our lives (and NOT mentioned in the ubiquitously quoted Yoga Sutras). Coming just off the rails of yet another broken relationship, I am forced to look deeply, once again, at the aspects of relationship that work, those that don't work, those that hook us and those that throw us so far off course. Nowhere is the notion of samskara -- conditioning -- more relevant than here, as we see again and again our patterns of communication, emotional response and our ability (or lack thereof) to reprogram ourselves so that we can have fuller, richer, deeper, more satisfying connections. For years I have been trying to find a way to reconcile the parts of myself that I split off at a very early age as a sort of survival mechanism -- in fact, the name OneSelf Yoga is born of that very quest. Years of self-study (svadhiyaya to those interested in the classical connections) and practice and I seem to inch closer and closer and yet still I find myself ultimately doing the same things and getting the same result. This time I even saw it happening, but felt unable to stop it! And so I am left with the usual tumult of anger, hurt, shame and sadness that accompany each "failed" attempt. There is no easy answer to this one, I'm afraid, and the wisdom of Yoga is to simply keep studying, keep practicing and to have faith -- to find the place inside where you can go in order to feel that it will get better. Yoga and meditation are not about getting it "right," or "perfect" or getting to any place in particular -- but they are about learning to ride the waves with greater skills so you can stay on top longer, enjoy it more, and realize that both the good and the bad feelings all come from the same place, so all have their place. Not easy, I repeat! But I'm doing my best. The good news is that I am more than ready for the next one. Let's see where it leads me.